Crumbling Like Pastry
by catniphawthorne
Summary: Five times she tries, one time she succeeds. / character death.


a/n; I've wanted to write another Jaime/Sansa fic for a while now as I love this pairing. This fics a bit darker than most I've done and has strong mentions of suicide so if you dislike that sort of thing I suggest you backspace and find something fluffy. anywho hopefully you'll enjoy it regardless and see the underlying message I was trying to put across. song recommendations- the a team by ed sheeran (the birdy version is lovely as well) and fix you by coldplay.

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_'white lips, pale face breathing in the snowflakes, burnt lungs, sour taste'_

He finds her every time, picks her up, fixes her wounds, kisses her hair and then leaves her...what else can he do?

He's tried to convince her again and again to stop but he knows hes not getting through, the strong, independent, brave girl has long flown from the window and into the sky to meet her deceased family. No matter how he tries; screams at her, begs her, forces her she wont listen, just stares at him with a blank expression until he has to leave her.

Often he wishes he could do more, but knows his presence in her life has to stay shadow, has to stay hidden or things will get worse. He runs to her at times she needs him but is gone before her Husband gets home, he knows if he's found with her all will go insane, they'll scream black murder at him before probably throwing him back to Casterly Rock, only his family name keeps him from being killed, though with the King (Now dubbed **'Mad King The 2nd'**) he doubts even that will protect him.

_'lights gone, days end, struggling to pay rent, long nights, strange men'_

The first time he found her was a day after her wedding night, she had been bruised and battered but he knew that wasn't of her own doing; that was of his vile little son's. However that wasn't what made him rush forwards it was the blood pouring from her wrists that did, it was bright scarlet trickling to the floor with a rapid speed, staining the grey stone red. He had scooped her up and ran her to the spare room before patching her up as best he could (all knights his stature had to have some sort of medic training to deal with field injuries). The stitches on her wrists were crooked and he could only douse them in alcohol to fight infection but he knew she would prefer that to any other medical treatment.

He hadn't asked her why she would do such a thing; of course he knew she was terrified of her new Husband and would rather face her Old Gods than stand one more minute in his presence, he hadn't said anything at all in fact, had just kissed her hair, stroked her wrists before disappearing back to his own chambers. It didn't feel like enough but it was all he could do.

_'and they say, shes in the class a team, stuck in her daydream, been this way since eighteen but lately'_

The second time he found her was two weeks later, her bruises were fresh but well hidden this time, clearly the King was learning to hide his abuse and that bought bile to his throat. This time wasn't a slash of the wrists, but instead he catches her stood on the ledge in the armoury room; one of the highest in the Castle. Her arms are held out like the little bird shes so compared to and one foot balances off the edge as though shes ready to just step into death. He doesn't scream doesn't startle her, just walks forwards and pulls her down, she lets him and crumples into his arms. Again he carries her to bed in the spare room and forces her to drink some water.

This time he did speak, not asking her why; again he knows the answer. Instead he simply said 'Why do it, why give up?" In the calmest tone he can manage, she doesn't reply so he just kisses her hair, strokes her face and again leaves to his own chambers. He still knows hes not doing enough but is at a loss of anything else.

_' her face seems, slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastry, and they scream the worst things in life come free to us'_

The third time he found her was a month later, her bruises were replaced with slashes this time and he know that her Husband has upgraded to a whip, it uses all of his self control not to hunt him down and strangle the life out of his incest bred son. This time is less dramatic, but he finds her in the top most tower, hiding with her head in her hands, the reason hes here this time is because he hasn't seen her touch a morsel of food in weeks and he heard whisperings from the house maids that they are rapidly pulling her dresses in. He carries her again to the spare bedroom and forces her to eat some shortbread, first one piece, then two then three.

Again he speaks this time "Don't do this, I can't imagine the horror you're facing and I can't fix it, but don't let yourself wither away, you're better than that" Again he sounds calm, as she stares right through him, not uttering a word. When he knows she's switched off he kisses her hair, strokes her hand and departs downstairs. This time he bruises his knuckles by driving them into the wall, pure anger taking over him as he knows he isn't doing enough but can do no more.

_'cause we're just under the upper hand, go mad for a couple grams'_

The fourth time he found her was a week later, the slashes were healing but again bruises flowered upon her skin, and his hands shake as he runs to her this time. He knows the bottle out of her hand with such force it smashes against the wall, he watches the contents pour onto the floor and is relieved that she didn't get much down. He shakes her then before carrying her back to the spare room, he forces salt water down her throat until shes heaving everything back up and he knows shes safe.

This time he doesn't speak, he near yells. "Stop this for gods sake, stop this! You're better than this" He shakes her again but she doesn't respond and with a kiss of the hair, stroke of the forehead hes gone once more. This time he doesn't smash his hand into the wall, instead lets out something of a broken cry before praying for the first time.

_'and she don't want to go outside tonight, and in a pipe she flies to the Motherland, or sells love to another man'_

The fifth time he knows hes too late because hes not the one who finds her. They recover her body from the river outside the red keep, her body is covered in slashes and bruises that someone conveniently links to her drowning; he bites so hard on his lip to stop him from talking he tastes blood, the metallic tang making him shudder. He takes one glance at her body, beautiful even in death, her lips parted as though gasping for air, her red tully hair still stark even though soaked and now belonging to a corpse. He flees quickly enough from the scene to the spare room and sobs his fucking heart out, he's never cried before not even when his Mother died and now hes on his knees screaming himself to death.

Once more he speaks to her, sobs interrupting his words. 'You were stronger than this, I'm sorry there was nothing I could do, be safe up there little dove, stay safe Sansa" Part of him believes there isn't anything up there but he said it anyway before keeling over to the pain..he just wished he could have found her earlier. He places his hands around his stomach as he sobs and for the first time considers suicide himself.

_'Its too cold outside, for angels to fly, angels to fly'_

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so I know its riddled with grammar errors, tense issues and spelling mistakes but ugh I just wanted to upload it, I'm tired and tried to fix stuff but whatever.

also I know many will dislike the way I made Jaime in this fic as he's not the typical hero, but I think in this kind of situation there was nothing he could have done, the idea is he couldn't stop such things but picked up the pieces after. anywho maybe you won't like it, I love writing Jaime as the hero but for once I wanted to make it a tad more real to his character.

so hopefully you enjoyed it, and please go check out my other Jaime/Sansa fics; violet hill and reunion are on my page and if you're a big fan of 'hero' Jaime and the two in love then you'll probably enjoy them:3 so yeah as always review m'lovelies

vicki


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